If you are part of a married couple, you may both be Christians, you may be a marriage of two different faiths, or perhaps a marriage of a Christian and an agnostic or atheist. The following applies to all couples in all their uniqueness…
1 – KEEP THE CONNECTION – every day, no matter how busy:
· Start the day by finding out at least one thing that’s happening in the other’s day.
· When you come back together again, touch, look directly at each other.
· Later, sit down to give focussed attention
· Always be real, honest, and open with your thoughts, feelings, and needs.
Unspoken messages: I’m interested in you; you’re special to me; I’m glad we’re together.
2 – NURTURE THE CONNECTION – when there’s more time:
· Do something together e.g. a project
· Give longer time to focus on listening and speaking to each other.
· When there is tension between you, or a difficult issue to deal with, always be real, honest, and open with your thoughts, feelings, and needs – don’t be afraid to be vulnerable – this builds intimacy – IN-TO-ME-SEE.
Unspoken messages: I’m here for you; I respect the way you see things; I want to understand.
3 – SHOW GENUINE APPRECIATION AND AFFECTION – every day:
· Notice the positive qualities of the other and tell them.
· Show your affection and care in tangible ways e.g. acts of service
Unspoken messages: I value you; I want to share our lives.
4 – CULTIVATE GRATITUDE:
· Notice what you are genuinely grateful for
· Look for what’s special in your partner and others.
· Notice the positives and enjoy them – and perhaps vocalise this.
This changes the atmosphere. Grace and forgiveness enter our life – for ourselves and for others. We begin to appreciate all the blessings we constantly receive.
OUR SECURE BASE:
Even when God is not overtly acknowledged, we know that the longing for love, peace, and fulfilment, shared by us all, is of God. In difficult times, we can call directly on God for the grace that comes from our marriage commitment. That grace will come in tangible ways – the unfathomable gift of God’s love for us.
This is written by Teresa Weeks a volunteer Relationship Counsellor and Marriage Preparation Facilitator with Marriage Care. Teresa and her husband Clive are also members of Teams.
visit: www.allianceofcatholicmarriageorganisations.org.uk
