Things to consider before popping the question


Why do you want this? – Do you want to get married because you want to spend the rest of your lives together or is it something else – like the fact that all your friends are getting married?

Remember ‘the one’ is a myth. It can be tempting to think there’s someone out there who is perfect for us – who can fulfil our every need and complete us. But the truth is, that perfect person doesn’t exist – you need to work at relationships.

Can you be yourself around your partner?  It’s important to be able to relax around the person you are marrying. You shouldn’t feel like you have to be someone else or hide parts of your personality.

Think about your values. Do you have the same values and a similar outlook on life? We’re not talking about taste in music or films, but the ideas and principles that really matter to you.

Do they show you love and support? You need to know the person you are marrying cares about you and will be there for you when you need them most. People show their love and support different ways so think beyond whether they give enough kisses and cuddles.

Understand that some doubts are normal. There are no guarantees in relationships – and some degree of doubt is inevitable. If you are having strong doubts, be sure to listen to them but remember they can come from all sorts of places, including childhood. It might be a good idea to speak to your partner and/or a relationship counsellor.

Listen to your partner. Have you talked about your future together? Has your partner mentioned that they would like to get married? It’s best to have had these kind of chats before you propose. You could even ditch the proposal altogether and make a joint decision to get married!

Take into account the time you have been together. The beginning of a relationship is often full of lust and intensity.  It can be tempting to get caught up in this and rush into things but marriage is a big commitment and it’s better to wait until you really know the person.

A marriage calls for a deep level of commitment, come what may, and a decision to love during the tough times as well as the good times. Couples wanting to take that next step towards commitment, you may find our FOCCUS course helpful in exploring how  well matched they are in their hopes and expectations for the future.