Kintsugi – also known as kintsukuroi – is the art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. The end result is something unique and beautiful – perhaps more so than before. The principle behind this art form can be incorporated into our relationships: where there have been hurts*, difficulties, where bonds have been broken, the process of healing and mending – if done patiently and correctly – can create a relationship even more beautiful than before.
Instead of hiding the damage, Kintsugi highlights and embraces the breakage as part of the object’s history.
The relationship may be cracked, damaged, or even irreparably broken – communication may have shattered. Just like a broken bowl it may seem easier to throw it away than fix it but is there a better way? The process to healing needs to include acknowledging the breaks instead of hiding them. It may involve the skilled support of a relationship counsellor guiding the couple in slowly piecing things back together, using the ‘’golden lacquer’’ of honesty, empathy and effort, to create something whole and healthy again. In this way the history of pain isn’t erased — it’s acknowledged and integrated.
The relationship may not always go “back to how it was.” But it becomes something new, stronger, and even more beautiful because it survived and evolved.
Like a Kintsugi bowl, the relationship is now one-of-a-kind, marked by resilience and love.
If you feel your relationship could benefit from professional, confidential relationship counselling please visit our webpage: Relationship counselling | Couples counselling | Marriage guidance to find out more.
*In referring to hurts and difficulties, this does not include domestic abuse. Domestic abuse is not a relationship problem and is never the fault of the victim. If this sounds like it could be your situation follow this link to learn more: https://refuge.org.uk/i-need-help-now/how-to-identify-abuse/