Tuesday – tips for good chats
When you talk to each other it can sometimes help to have a few guidelines
- Take turns. Listen respectfully to the other, even if you don’t agree with what they’re saying. You will get a chance to share your thoughts and feelings when you have heard what they have to say.
- Disagree well: look for a way to resolve or manage an issue without one of you needing to ‘lose’. Remember when only one person ‘wins’ your relationship loses.
- Stick to the subject – stay in the present and don’t bring up old issues.
- Take time out if the subject becomes heated and agree a time later to continue the discussion.
Not every conversation has to have an agenda! Talk about your hopes and dreams, about the joys and strengths in your relationship. When last did you share how happy you feel in your relationship or the qualities you most admire about each other? It is fun to draw up a list and to share and compare the answers. Here are some ideas on topics which will get a conversation going between you and to value and affirm each other:
- Something practical I’m glad you do well.
- An activity of yours that I admire.
- Something that is important to you that makes you different.
- A quality in you that helps us to get on well together.
- The quality I most love in you.
Couples who have a shared vision for the future are better equipped to make decisions that move the relationship forward. How can you do that? Make a list of your goals for the next month, six months, a year, five years, 10 years. The goals should encompass all realms of life including love, family, friendship, work, leisure and health. After you’ve made your lists, place a star next to the items that are most important to you. Each partner then shares their list. When your partner shares a starred item important to them, ask, “What do you need me to do to help you achieve that goal?”
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